We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
