I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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