I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
