so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
