Betty ford says i'm here all night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
