So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
