drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
