Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
