and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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