he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
