Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
