You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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