No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
