I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
