Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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