My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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