I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
