You can't motorboat a personality
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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