I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
