Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
