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At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
