i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
