Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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