i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
