I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
