So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
