Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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