I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
