Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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