i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
