would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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