Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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