I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
