and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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