If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
