I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
