I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
