can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
