please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
