Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
