apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
