did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
