I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
