I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
