i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
