i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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