Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you would pick up someone in the library
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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