Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
