I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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