I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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