Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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