I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
