I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
