woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
