Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
