the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
