i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
