you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
