he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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