so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
