I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
