there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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