i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
is that a dick in a sweater?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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