My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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