oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
