So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What a dumb baby whore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just pee around me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
