Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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