i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
