They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize