Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
